“What does it feel like to truly listen?”
For Ilana Khanin, director of I Was Unbecoming Then, this question pulsates at the core of her work. Using a mix of choral music, movement, and theatre, the musical delves deeply into themes of self-image, girlhood, and sexual violence. And Khanin’s goal is to create a theatrical experience that is less about conventional storytelling and more about fostering a space of collective attunement, characterized by an immersive and intuitive connection within the ensemble who are creating the piece . . . and with the audience members who are consuming it.
In other words – a space where all participants experience exactly what it feels like to truly listen.
Khanin grounds her process in an idea articulated by playwright Lyndsey Bourne: “The girls of the choir are constantly ‘tuning and retuning’ to one another”. This simple, yet deeply resonant concept is the foundation of the production, which “asks the twelve actors to perform this feat of deep listening, whether in singing the complex chords, or in a movement as simple as a unison head turn”. And this in turn “invites the audience to be part of this listening—to notice the rhythms of the language, the breath before a song, the shift to check for a hair elastic.”
For Khanin, inviting the audience into an active process of listening and awareness helps to creates a unique engagement. “It invites a different mode of attention and engagement that is not resting on plot (though there is story), but on a more intuitive structure that resonates with what it feels like to be a teenage girl.” This structure mirrors the complexities of adolescence, where the connections between experiences, emotions, and identities are often fluid and elude simple definition and causal connection.
Currently pursuing a PhD at the University of Toronto, Khanin is bringing to bear extensive experience as a director of experimental new plays and musicals, having developed work at institutions such as Ars Nova, HERE Arts Center, and the Baryshnikov Arts Center. Her deep commitment to experimental forms of performance is reflected in the structure of I Was Unbecoming Then, where music and movement are integrated in innovative ways. The story follows twelve teenage girls as they prepare for a national choral competition, each preparing their part and striving to meet the expectations of their choir director, Bruce. The routine anxieties of teenage girlhood in the early 2000s are shattered by the sudden death of a beloved member of their community, which brings buried secrets to light and forces the young women to confront unsettling truths. Setting the musical in a high-school choir room in North Vancouver in 2006 captures a formative experience for the creative team — one rooted in a shared sense of girlhood and collective identity. For this, Khanin draws on reflections that Bourne shared in a 2020 interview on the importance of choir in shaping her sense of self. “So much of how I felt about my body, so much of how I felt about girlhood as a collective, everything that I felt about femaleness,” Bourne explained, ”came from the choir room, came from my experiences with these teenage girls.”
The evocative score, composed by Sam Kaseta, intertwines seamlessly with moments of quiet, reflective choreography. And once again, this fusion creates an experience that is more about emotional resonance than plot. Overall, “the musical uses plot, character, and action in a radically different way from the plays most people tend to encounter,” Khanin explains. The production challenges audience members to engage with it in a more sensory, intuitive manner – where subtle shifts in breath, body language, and sound carry profound meaning.
A highly collaborative rehearsal process, built around Khanin’s own deep listening, has been critical in shaping such an experimental piece. “Rehearsal is a place of exploration and experimentation, and I’ve been so lucky to have a cast so open to this process,” Khanin shares. “I do a lot of preparation—reading and research and sketching and planning—but when I come into the rehearsal room, I put that aside, and instead, listen to the impulses and ideas that happen in the room.” The willingness to be present in the moment has allowed for unexpected discoveries during rehearsals: “Something we tried and discarded in the second rehearsal turned out to be the right choice weeks later, but we didn’t know that at the beginning”, she reflects.“It’s a gift that the piece is a reflection of the time we all spent together in this collaboration.”
Overall, “the piece has developed significantly over these past six years… and still continues to evolve,” Khanin reflects, noting how the collaboration extends beyond the cast to the creative team, particularly Bourne and Kaseta, with whom she has worked since the project’s earliest days in New York. After the planned 2020 premiere was cancelled due to COVID, the team continued refining the material: adding new scenes, songs, and staging elements, while remaining true to the work’s essence. “We are also different people. It was exciting to rediscover what resonated with me about this piece four years later.”
The diversity of the cast, which features female, non-binary, and trans performers, has also enriched the production in powerful ways. “What we can create together is much more interesting,” she reports — and the piece feels alive and responsive to the diverse collective energy of the ensemble.
As for audiences, Khanin hopes the production will push them to reconsider the conventions of theatre. I Was Unbecoming Then “asks the audience to experience theatre in a new way: to adjust their own rhythms and expectations, and to immerse themselves in the subtle details of what’s unfolding on stage,” Khanin explains. “I hope our offering expands what artists believe is possible in theatre, and encourages audiences to find new language to talk about work that is interested in alternative modes of performance.”
Consider yourself gifted with a rare invitation: to step into a theatrical space where the lines between performer and audience blur, and where every breath and every note demands that you listen . . . and holds the potential for transformation.
To be part of this unique act of collective listening and communal connection, reserve your tickets for I Was Unbecoming Then on fringetoronto.com.
© Arpita Ghosal, Sesaya Arts Magazine, 2024
